Hello Sai Bhaktas,
Here is are a few lessons baba wishes to teach me today. Today is Vijaya
dashami, Baba's mahasamadhi day. I had invited 2 of my friends for tabulam
and for lalitha sahasra naama parayanam. None could make it. I called
another friend of mine to come over for the same, she very got sick and
could not make it. I thought my 10 days of lalitha sahasranama parayanam
was not with shradha and bhakti, so may be this never worked out. May be
baba wants to tell me that. Then I went to the sai mandir near our house.
I went when all the aarti was over and they were closing out. The lights
of the mandir were off. I went prayed to baba and offered 5 Dollars and a
few nickles as dakshina, as well as a ring which my husband found on the
roads of New York City. I also had made some prasad at home which i
carried to temple kept it at Baba's feet and then took it to the prasad
distribution table and kept it there. The temple staff who were present
there were cleaning the table they saw my two tiny covers and put it in
the garbage along with other waste.
I Thought, i never offered it with love to baba, so may be that is why he
is getting it thrown in the dust bin. Then i Sat down thinking i would sit
and see baba for atleast 2 minutes. A lady among the temple staff asked me
to leave as the the temple was closed. This hurt me the most. I agree to
all that baba did, may be my love and devotion was not enough for all that
at all. However, can't he even stand the sight of mine? May be i am not
good enough for him. I learnt a few valuable lessons today, baba behaves
the way i intend. Not even think... thoughts are random phenomenon, but
intentions are what we set. I guess my intentions were not right towards
baba... this treatment has never happened to me before, this is the first
time it ever happened to me. Please my brothers and sisters, won't you
pray along with me for sai's forgiveness and his acceptance. He can change
me anyway he wants to, but ask him never to throw me out again like
that... May be this is a lesson to kill my ego too... Tell him that it is
at his feet and he may do whatever he wants with it. Jai sainath... Please
make a spec of space for me at your feet. I would be happy to be the dirt
at your feet too... never neglect me baba... what will i do without you? |